January 31, 2004
Art as prayer
Yipppeeee! I found this post as part of another one that Mike quoted in his post about prayer.
We believe that the post modern world intuits truth through art. We communicate a lot through art. So it makes sense that our prayers need to come through art. Those of us who have found ourselves, unexpectedly and unintentionally, in the postmodern stream have discovered that certain things are dead to us. The sermon for instance. It’s gone. Learning through lecture is pretty much lost to us. The same thing is happening to our traditional evangelical form of prayer. We’ve lost lecture as a form of learning; we’re beginning to lose the traditional “prayer request” form of prayer as the primary form prayer. (ThPm)
Why am I so excited? Because I just found out... that I am not alone! I was reading the first part of Rachelle's post about contemplative prayer and feeling a little sad, because that part of prayer has become very difficult for me. You see, I am now on five different medications. It's difficult to keep my eyes from crossing sometimes, let alone try to "center myself" without falling asleep. I miss just being able to do the stream-of-consciousness prayer thing and just sit before God and spill and just listen to him, back and forth. BUT, one of my favourite "active" forms of prayer that I have taken up since I got sick, is art! I'm not really all that artistic, but somehow trying to draw or collage or create my prayer is easier for me to focus and concentrate on in my hyper-medicated state... I come away feeling tremendously connected to myself, to God, and very.... fulfilled, I guess.
Even so, I'm going to get myself some prayer beads... maybe they'll help me concentrate better.
Yipppeeee! I found this post as part of another one that Mike quoted in his post about prayer.
We believe that the post modern world intuits truth through art. We communicate a lot through art. So it makes sense that our prayers need to come through art. Those of us who have found ourselves, unexpectedly and unintentionally, in the postmodern stream have discovered that certain things are dead to us. The sermon for instance. It’s gone. Learning through lecture is pretty much lost to us. The same thing is happening to our traditional evangelical form of prayer. We’ve lost lecture as a form of learning; we’re beginning to lose the traditional “prayer request” form of prayer as the primary form prayer. (ThPm)
Why am I so excited? Because I just found out... that I am not alone! I was reading the first part of Rachelle's post about contemplative prayer and feeling a little sad, because that part of prayer has become very difficult for me. You see, I am now on five different medications. It's difficult to keep my eyes from crossing sometimes, let alone try to "center myself" without falling asleep. I miss just being able to do the stream-of-consciousness prayer thing and just sit before God and spill and just listen to him, back and forth. BUT, one of my favourite "active" forms of prayer that I have taken up since I got sick, is art! I'm not really all that artistic, but somehow trying to draw or collage or create my prayer is easier for me to focus and concentrate on in my hyper-medicated state... I come away feeling tremendously connected to myself, to God, and very.... fulfilled, I guess.
Even so, I'm going to get myself some prayer beads... maybe they'll help me concentrate better.
Missions Fest
Today I was at Missions Fest down at Canada Place. I was really looking forward to this year's for some reason, and it was nice to be down there when it's not a complete zoo (it usually is during the evenings). It was nice to run in to Mike and finally meet Mike's wife, Sue. I bought one of the Global Action Canada prayer journals for my aunt Helen, hoping that it might be a real awakener for her.
I love missions fest because at best, it's energizing to be in a huge room filled with a bunch of people who love Jesus and just want to do whatever they can for him and to bring people in to the family. This year's was hard, however, because I had a new understanding and a bit of sadness at how a lot of the ministries really seemed to be so out of touch with the culture that they are trying to reach. It's the mantra (smile) of YWAM: cultural context is everything in missions. There was a whole table full of tracts. ugh.
Walked around with Amanda and Nikki from SFU and Luke from church, ran into a few people we knew, and struck up a lot of great conversations. Christians aren't so wierd after all.
Today I was at Missions Fest down at Canada Place. I was really looking forward to this year's for some reason, and it was nice to be down there when it's not a complete zoo (it usually is during the evenings). It was nice to run in to Mike and finally meet Mike's wife, Sue. I bought one of the Global Action Canada prayer journals for my aunt Helen, hoping that it might be a real awakener for her.
I love missions fest because at best, it's energizing to be in a huge room filled with a bunch of people who love Jesus and just want to do whatever they can for him and to bring people in to the family. This year's was hard, however, because I had a new understanding and a bit of sadness at how a lot of the ministries really seemed to be so out of touch with the culture that they are trying to reach. It's the mantra (smile) of YWAM: cultural context is everything in missions. There was a whole table full of tracts. ugh.
Walked around with Amanda and Nikki from SFU and Luke from church, ran into a few people we knew, and struck up a lot of great conversations. Christians aren't so wierd after all.
Purpose-driven Post
Today is day five of the Purpose driven life. Well, technically, yesterday was, but I haven't gone to bed yet (get it, sleepless...?) so it's still day 5 to me.
I had a lot of trouble with the second day. It was so difficult to read passages like these: "God prescribed every single detail of your body. He deliberately chose... every other feature. He custom-made your body just the way he wanted it." "God left no detail to chance. He planned it all for his purpose." "Nothing in your life is arbitrary. It's all for a purpose." "He has a reason for all he creates."
Before I launch into my issues with this chapter, let me say that Rick Warren's point was pretty clear to me: that everyone is valuable to God, just as they are, and that God created us to be valuable and loved. I think that's great, and I know that all of us could use reminders of that from time to time. However, I feel like Warren is painting with a pretty wide brush here. Only the average, normal people really fit into his descriptions... what about people like me, who were born with a disability? What about thalidomide babies? Warren seems to ignore a whole section of theology in his broad descriptions and rampant repetitions about how God chose every detail and had a plan for each feature... How do victims of childhood sexual abuse fit into Warren's vision of how God placed each child with their particular parents for a purpose? This chapter, read alone (as each one is intended to be read), is very exclusive of people who are different, or suffering, despite trying to convey the contrary.
I honestly had a very spiritual, emotional reaction to this passage. It was difficult for me to read it and then picture God planning this horrible pain into my life. And despite the fact that until this season, my disability has been more a blessing than suffering, am I to believe that he arranged that as well? I'm not sure if I have a problem with that, but there are many people who flat out would not believe it at all.
On the good side, I am completely blessed by my small group. It was hard breaking up our old, big "small group," and at first I was convinced that God had taken a vacation when they picked our group. We're all a little bit cynical about the hype surrounding 40 days, and all of us were pretty negative about it at first. It was hard to hear the video at first due to all the catcalls. However, we warmed up to each other and I really appreciate all of them, especially the honesty. I really feel like I could go for 40 days, meeting with these people and caring for each other and discussing the book. I could do without the video, it's a little corny, but the booklet for discussion is great. But what's new, I love small groups. I think I mentioned that already!
Today is day five of the Purpose driven life. Well, technically, yesterday was, but I haven't gone to bed yet (get it, sleepless...?) so it's still day 5 to me.
I had a lot of trouble with the second day. It was so difficult to read passages like these: "God prescribed every single detail of your body. He deliberately chose... every other feature. He custom-made your body just the way he wanted it." "God left no detail to chance. He planned it all for his purpose." "Nothing in your life is arbitrary. It's all for a purpose." "He has a reason for all he creates."
Before I launch into my issues with this chapter, let me say that Rick Warren's point was pretty clear to me: that everyone is valuable to God, just as they are, and that God created us to be valuable and loved. I think that's great, and I know that all of us could use reminders of that from time to time. However, I feel like Warren is painting with a pretty wide brush here. Only the average, normal people really fit into his descriptions... what about people like me, who were born with a disability? What about thalidomide babies? Warren seems to ignore a whole section of theology in his broad descriptions and rampant repetitions about how God chose every detail and had a plan for each feature... How do victims of childhood sexual abuse fit into Warren's vision of how God placed each child with their particular parents for a purpose? This chapter, read alone (as each one is intended to be read), is very exclusive of people who are different, or suffering, despite trying to convey the contrary.
I honestly had a very spiritual, emotional reaction to this passage. It was difficult for me to read it and then picture God planning this horrible pain into my life. And despite the fact that until this season, my disability has been more a blessing than suffering, am I to believe that he arranged that as well? I'm not sure if I have a problem with that, but there are many people who flat out would not believe it at all.
On the good side, I am completely blessed by my small group. It was hard breaking up our old, big "small group," and at first I was convinced that God had taken a vacation when they picked our group. We're all a little bit cynical about the hype surrounding 40 days, and all of us were pretty negative about it at first. It was hard to hear the video at first due to all the catcalls. However, we warmed up to each other and I really appreciate all of them, especially the honesty. I really feel like I could go for 40 days, meeting with these people and caring for each other and discussing the book. I could do without the video, it's a little corny, but the booklet for discussion is great. But what's new, I love small groups. I think I mentioned that already!
January 29, 2004
Please, please, please...
...take a look at this cartoon!
(you'll need Flash and should have your volume on)
...take a look at this cartoon!
(you'll need Flash and should have your volume on)
Ahem,
After last night's burst of anger, here's a bit of peace and hopefulness, courtesy of Henri Nouwen, one of the first people I'd like to talk with in Heaven:
"You have to begin to trust that your experience of emptiness is not the final experience, that beyond it is a place where you are being held in love. As long as you do not trust that place... you can not safely re-enter the place of pain. ...The more roots you have in the new place, the more capeable you are of mourning the loss of the old place and letting go of the pain that lies there." ~The Inner Voice of Love
After last night's burst of anger, here's a bit of peace and hopefulness, courtesy of Henri Nouwen, one of the first people I'd like to talk with in Heaven:
"You have to begin to trust that your experience of emptiness is not the final experience, that beyond it is a place where you are being held in love. As long as you do not trust that place... you can not safely re-enter the place of pain. ...The more roots you have in the new place, the more capeable you are of mourning the loss of the old place and letting go of the pain that lies there." ~The Inner Voice of Love
Remind me why I live in Canada again?
So I found out on the weekend that my much-awaited pain clinic appointment - I should say my 10-month-waiting-list pain clinic appointment - will now be more like 12 to 18 months away. What the hell do we have a health care system for, anyway? Are waitlists there just to cut down on expenses - i.e. the patient languishes for so long on a freaking waiting list that they die before they ever get treated?
I mean, come on. There are what, three million residents of BC? Maybe a half-mill more in the Yukon (who really knows? I'm not yet convinced that the Yukon actually exists). So according to the webpage for the St. Paul's Pain Centre, the one and only provincially-funded multi-disciplinary pain clinic in BC, they service both BC and the Yukon, approximately three and a half million people. And one pain clinic. The webpage states that they serve 1000 new patients a year, and 3000 continuing patients. That means that there are between 1000 and 1500 patients ahead of me on the list. Insane.
I used to be the biggest cheerleader for socialized medicine. It may be slow, but at least everyone gets the same level of care. Nobody goes without proper health care. I'm feeling incredibly disillusioned right now. I am now living proof that people go without care. Just because I won't die on the operating table if I dont' get seen in the next year doesn't mean that I am not emergent! Let me quote from a specialist:
"Early identification and treatment of intractable, chronic pain can help in effectively treating the pain. Ince neuropathic pain is well established, it tends to become more difficult to successfully manage, and more aggressive treatments may be required." (Ralph F. Rashbaum, MD)
That means that the longer I'm on the list for, the more expensive and extensive the treatments they are going to have to use. Hello? Anybody with a brain listening out there? Because I can do the math. It's far less expensive to pay the salaries of ten more pain specialists (even at US rates), than to have to foot the bill for intractable pain treatments for 1500 chronic pain patients.
I know, I'm ranting. But I deserve it. I can barely believe it. What an insult to have to find that out right when I'm at the end of my tether with the pain as it is. Right now, I'm researching pain clinics in Washington State and in Alberta in the hopes that I'll be able to get coverage from our so-called medical care system. All of the specialists I've seen so far have told me that they can't help me, I have to go to the pain clinic. Not just any pain clinic, a multi-disciplinary one that attacks pain from every angle. I don't care what it takes, I am not waiting eighteen months for relief from this kind of pain. I think that this qualifies as gross negligence on the part of the federal and provincial governments to pretend to provide medical care, to disallow the private provision of health care services that are covered by MSP, and then force people with chronic, disabling, brutal pain to wait that long for treatment.
I know that this doesn't matter quite as much to any of you as it does to me, but if you are at all shocked by my situation, may I urge you to speak to your member of parliament or MLA?
So I found out on the weekend that my much-awaited pain clinic appointment - I should say my 10-month-waiting-list pain clinic appointment - will now be more like 12 to 18 months away. What the hell do we have a health care system for, anyway? Are waitlists there just to cut down on expenses - i.e. the patient languishes for so long on a freaking waiting list that they die before they ever get treated?
I mean, come on. There are what, three million residents of BC? Maybe a half-mill more in the Yukon (who really knows? I'm not yet convinced that the Yukon actually exists). So according to the webpage for the St. Paul's Pain Centre, the one and only provincially-funded multi-disciplinary pain clinic in BC, they service both BC and the Yukon, approximately three and a half million people. And one pain clinic. The webpage states that they serve 1000 new patients a year, and 3000 continuing patients. That means that there are between 1000 and 1500 patients ahead of me on the list. Insane.
I used to be the biggest cheerleader for socialized medicine. It may be slow, but at least everyone gets the same level of care. Nobody goes without proper health care. I'm feeling incredibly disillusioned right now. I am now living proof that people go without care. Just because I won't die on the operating table if I dont' get seen in the next year doesn't mean that I am not emergent! Let me quote from a specialist:
"Early identification and treatment of intractable, chronic pain can help in effectively treating the pain. Ince neuropathic pain is well established, it tends to become more difficult to successfully manage, and more aggressive treatments may be required." (Ralph F. Rashbaum, MD)
That means that the longer I'm on the list for, the more expensive and extensive the treatments they are going to have to use. Hello? Anybody with a brain listening out there? Because I can do the math. It's far less expensive to pay the salaries of ten more pain specialists (even at US rates), than to have to foot the bill for intractable pain treatments for 1500 chronic pain patients.
I know, I'm ranting. But I deserve it. I can barely believe it. What an insult to have to find that out right when I'm at the end of my tether with the pain as it is. Right now, I'm researching pain clinics in Washington State and in Alberta in the hopes that I'll be able to get coverage from our so-called medical care system. All of the specialists I've seen so far have told me that they can't help me, I have to go to the pain clinic. Not just any pain clinic, a multi-disciplinary one that attacks pain from every angle. I don't care what it takes, I am not waiting eighteen months for relief from this kind of pain. I think that this qualifies as gross negligence on the part of the federal and provincial governments to pretend to provide medical care, to disallow the private provision of health care services that are covered by MSP, and then force people with chronic, disabling, brutal pain to wait that long for treatment.
I know that this doesn't matter quite as much to any of you as it does to me, but if you are at all shocked by my situation, may I urge you to speak to your member of parliament or MLA?
January 27, 2004
January 25, 2004
Simone Weil
I'm not even out of the introduction and I'm reading interesting stuff:
Especially at the moment when the majority of mankind is "submerged in materialism," Simone Weil felt she could not detach herself from them by undergoing baptism. To be able to love [mankind] as they were, in all their blindness, she would have to know them as they were; and to know them, she would have to go among them disguised in the garments of their own disbelief. In so far as Christianity had become an exclusive sect, it would have to be remade into a "total Incarnation of faith," have to become truly "catholic," catholic enough to include the myths of the dark-skinned peoples from a world untouched by the Churches of the West, as well as the insights of post-Enlightenment liberals, who could see in organized religion only opression and bitterness and pride. by Leslie Fiedler, from the Introduction to Simone Weil's Waiting for God
I'm not even out of the introduction and I'm reading interesting stuff:
Especially at the moment when the majority of mankind is "submerged in materialism," Simone Weil felt she could not detach herself from them by undergoing baptism. To be able to love [mankind] as they were, in all their blindness, she would have to know them as they were; and to know them, she would have to go among them disguised in the garments of their own disbelief. In so far as Christianity had become an exclusive sect, it would have to be remade into a "total Incarnation of faith," have to become truly "catholic," catholic enough to include the myths of the dark-skinned peoples from a world untouched by the Churches of the West, as well as the insights of post-Enlightenment liberals, who could see in organized religion only opression and bitterness and pride. by Leslie Fiedler, from the Introduction to Simone Weil's Waiting for God
Welcome, Atom!
Blogger is now offering site feeds via Atom. If you have specific knowledge of what that is, goodie for you! What that means for the rest of us shmucks is that people with newsreaders which are Atom-compatible can read sleepless more conveniently.
AtomEnabled.org has a list of the compatible newsreaders.
Blogger is now offering site feeds via Atom. If you have specific knowledge of what that is, goodie for you! What that means for the rest of us shmucks is that people with newsreaders which are Atom-compatible can read sleepless more conveniently.
AtomEnabled.org has a list of the compatible newsreaders.
