December 13, 2003
Homesick
A long time ago when I first committed my life to Christ someone once told me that (one of) the reason that God allowed me to have a disability had something to do with the fact that Sin entered the world. Now, completely setting aside the fact that at the time I truly did not believe that having a disability was, in fact, a bad thing, and I didn't really care about why I happened to be that way, I was intrigued that something that happened wayyyy long time ago could have ramifications to me in my life right then.
I don't find that explanation to be any more enlightening now, five years later, but Jamie's blog story about Holy Wasabi and his "sting of sin" concept got me thinking about it. Many of you have read my posts about my pain struggle for the last six months. Well... since the news of Francois' passing came to me I've been thinking on the concept of sin tainting our entire experience of this world.
Many times I've caught myself being overwhelmed with the effects of this incredibly crappy, fallen world. I used to only see the good parts and willfully refused to dwell on the harder parts. Now everywhere I look I am confronted with the brutal reality that on earth, all is not like it is in heaven (and I do realize that this is a function of my current circumstances, and I might one day go back to my willfull oblivion). Francois died and left his four kids and a wife behind on earth without him... I'm here, sometimes so alone, struggling with a pain that cannot be fixed or sometimes even minimized... around me I see people battling the difficulties in this world and I think... God, can't we all just go home? Please?
And then I realize that we're still here. And so there must be something left for God to accomplish, something huge and important enough to leave us here, for now, instead of bringing us home. And it's a comfort to me, somewhat, that He did not leave us here alone, but left behind his Spirit which would speak for us in groans that words could not express.
Good enough for me, hopefully.
A long time ago when I first committed my life to Christ someone once told me that (one of) the reason that God allowed me to have a disability had something to do with the fact that Sin entered the world. Now, completely setting aside the fact that at the time I truly did not believe that having a disability was, in fact, a bad thing, and I didn't really care about why I happened to be that way, I was intrigued that something that happened wayyyy long time ago could have ramifications to me in my life right then.
I don't find that explanation to be any more enlightening now, five years later, but Jamie's blog story about Holy Wasabi and his "sting of sin" concept got me thinking about it. Many of you have read my posts about my pain struggle for the last six months. Well... since the news of Francois' passing came to me I've been thinking on the concept of sin tainting our entire experience of this world.
Many times I've caught myself being overwhelmed with the effects of this incredibly crappy, fallen world. I used to only see the good parts and willfully refused to dwell on the harder parts. Now everywhere I look I am confronted with the brutal reality that on earth, all is not like it is in heaven (and I do realize that this is a function of my current circumstances, and I might one day go back to my willfull oblivion). Francois died and left his four kids and a wife behind on earth without him... I'm here, sometimes so alone, struggling with a pain that cannot be fixed or sometimes even minimized... around me I see people battling the difficulties in this world and I think... God, can't we all just go home? Please?
And then I realize that we're still here. And so there must be something left for God to accomplish, something huge and important enough to leave us here, for now, instead of bringing us home. And it's a comfort to me, somewhat, that He did not leave us here alone, but left behind his Spirit which would speak for us in groans that words could not express.
Good enough for me, hopefully.
More Deep Thoughts
I've lately been thinking about just how unfamiliar and difficult the concept of God is to us. Many people try to sum him up by classifying him into different roles and 'personalities' to make him easier to swallow. Sadly, our perceptions are limited by our humanness - that is, broken, nearsighted and weak - and so any name we might apply to God only fails to encompass the whole of Him: He's Jehovah Jireh, our provider, but he also takes away; He's Jehovah Rapha, our healer, but he also allows sickness and disability.
We call God our Father and Jesus our Friend, but if any of our friends and family dared to treat us in the ways that our God does sometimes without offering a full and prompt explanation (and sometimes an apology!) we might have little desire to ever speak to Him again.
My pastor spoke last Sunday on the story of how Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead (John 11). Mary and Martha, beloved friends of Jesus, had written him to let him know that Lazarus was ill, and needed divine help. Jesus then waited several days to leave for Bethany where Lazarus was. By that time, he was dead. Martha went out to greet Him but was still confused as to why Jesus had waited. Mary stayed home, probably racked with grief and confusion. If you had sent word to your best friend, a talented doctor, that your beloved brother was dying of the very thing your friend was trained to heal, where would you be? Would you be minimizing it, pretending that nothing could have been done anyway, or would you be upset, not understanding why your friend had betrayed your trust in his skills?
Case in point: Jesus is not merely a friend. I think we minimize the Godhead when we limit them to the roles of friend or Father. They are God. That's not an easy thing to understand but it must be understood: God does not simply exist to meet our own needs for comfort and friendship. He has higher goals along with these.
In John 11:4, Jesus decides to serve a higher goal than simply giving the sisters the life they asked for. When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." Jesus was the friend and comforter that they needed, but not before challenging the sisters to believe that God's goals were bigger, and that his ways were greater than simply bringing Lazarus back to health before he died. Jesus turned out to be a whole lot more than either of them understood him to be.
How many of us would ask for our personal bubble idea of God to be broken in this way? It's painful! Mary and Martha went through the hell of watching their brother die and believing that their close friend had betrayed them, only to see Lazarus resurrected and have their concepts of God completely expanded.
My question is whether any of this is truly worth the concept of God that comes out of it. At the beginning of my struggle with pain I remember a time of incredible intimacy with God and a passionate desire for Him to reveal more of himself to me and to conform me more to his image. Well, guess what. He's doing it. And I find myself in that place of wondering whether I'll make it through the "stretching," and whether whatever understanding I'll come to on the other side will be worth the pain it took to get me there.
I wonder if Jesus wondered that on the cross. But then again, he's God. We were worth it to him. Amazing.
I've lately been thinking about just how unfamiliar and difficult the concept of God is to us. Many people try to sum him up by classifying him into different roles and 'personalities' to make him easier to swallow. Sadly, our perceptions are limited by our humanness - that is, broken, nearsighted and weak - and so any name we might apply to God only fails to encompass the whole of Him: He's Jehovah Jireh, our provider, but he also takes away; He's Jehovah Rapha, our healer, but he also allows sickness and disability.
We call God our Father and Jesus our Friend, but if any of our friends and family dared to treat us in the ways that our God does sometimes without offering a full and prompt explanation (and sometimes an apology!) we might have little desire to ever speak to Him again.
My pastor spoke last Sunday on the story of how Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead (John 11). Mary and Martha, beloved friends of Jesus, had written him to let him know that Lazarus was ill, and needed divine help. Jesus then waited several days to leave for Bethany where Lazarus was. By that time, he was dead. Martha went out to greet Him but was still confused as to why Jesus had waited. Mary stayed home, probably racked with grief and confusion. If you had sent word to your best friend, a talented doctor, that your beloved brother was dying of the very thing your friend was trained to heal, where would you be? Would you be minimizing it, pretending that nothing could have been done anyway, or would you be upset, not understanding why your friend had betrayed your trust in his skills?
Case in point: Jesus is not merely a friend. I think we minimize the Godhead when we limit them to the roles of friend or Father. They are God. That's not an easy thing to understand but it must be understood: God does not simply exist to meet our own needs for comfort and friendship. He has higher goals along with these.
In John 11:4, Jesus decides to serve a higher goal than simply giving the sisters the life they asked for. When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." Jesus was the friend and comforter that they needed, but not before challenging the sisters to believe that God's goals were bigger, and that his ways were greater than simply bringing Lazarus back to health before he died. Jesus turned out to be a whole lot more than either of them understood him to be.
How many of us would ask for our personal bubble idea of God to be broken in this way? It's painful! Mary and Martha went through the hell of watching their brother die and believing that their close friend had betrayed them, only to see Lazarus resurrected and have their concepts of God completely expanded.
My question is whether any of this is truly worth the concept of God that comes out of it. At the beginning of my struggle with pain I remember a time of incredible intimacy with God and a passionate desire for Him to reveal more of himself to me and to conform me more to his image. Well, guess what. He's doing it. And I find myself in that place of wondering whether I'll make it through the "stretching," and whether whatever understanding I'll come to on the other side will be worth the pain it took to get me there.
I wonder if Jesus wondered that on the cross. But then again, he's God. We were worth it to him. Amazing.
December 10, 2003
Rememberance
I'd like to take a moment to remember a very special person, Francois Murenzi, a Rwandan Anglican Minister whom I met while doing missions work in Bray, Ireland. He was recently killed in a car accident, four months after taking on his first official minister posting at a new church in England. He leaves behind four children and a wife, Susan. His death was a huge shock to me. Francois was an amazing person whose faith had a huge impact on me.
Read the sermon from his funeral.
I'd like to take a moment to remember a very special person, Francois Murenzi, a Rwandan Anglican Minister whom I met while doing missions work in Bray, Ireland. He was recently killed in a car accident, four months after taking on his first official minister posting at a new church in England. He leaves behind four children and a wife, Susan. His death was a huge shock to me. Francois was an amazing person whose faith had a huge impact on me.
Read the sermon from his funeral.
Busy?
Haven't posted in awhile for a few reasons... first of all, I've been busy! How great is that! My church's Christmas Dessert Theatre production has been underway for the last week or so so I've been busy setting tables and doing makeup for the cast.
Second reason is that I used to do my major blogging up at school where the internet access is free. Hah. I got my car towed for having too many unpaid parking tickets in one of the visitor parking lots... get this: one or two of the tickets are for parking in a handicap stall... If you knew me you'd understand that I am one of the few who actually have one of those handicap parking placards. My oh my. Anyway, I have an understandable aversion to parking at school now.
Haven't posted in awhile for a few reasons... first of all, I've been busy! How great is that! My church's Christmas Dessert Theatre production has been underway for the last week or so so I've been busy setting tables and doing makeup for the cast.
Second reason is that I used to do my major blogging up at school where the internet access is free. Hah. I got my car towed for having too many unpaid parking tickets in one of the visitor parking lots... get this: one or two of the tickets are for parking in a handicap stall... If you knew me you'd understand that I am one of the few who actually have one of those handicap parking placards. My oh my. Anyway, I have an understandable aversion to parking at school now.
