November 04, 2003
November 03, 2003
21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD .
-- Lamentations 3
and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD .
-- Lamentations 3
Rocks
When I was in Northern Ireland I was totally blessed to go to Worship Watch, a four-hour sustained time of music-led worship, at CFC Belfast. I remember a song from that time that I haven't heard since, and one of the lines went like this:
And I will not be put to shame
By rocks that will cry out Your name
I will praise you Lord
I was these words which echoed in my head last night. All Creation was made to worship God, and if we don't, the very rocks will do that job for us. (Luke 19:37-40) It is so incredibly hard to find worship within me when life is so ugly. But times like last night (see below) make me realize that whether I plan to or not, I am created to worship my Father in heaven. My pride and stubbornness will not let rocks cry out the name of the Lord ahead of me.
But that doesn't solve the problem of what to say or do when there is simply nothing left within you to say to God, let alone praise Him. My friend Lorna ran Psalm 13 past my eyes in the form of a song by Brian Doerksen.
Psalm 13 is a lament, written to God at an incredibly low point in (I'm assuming) David's life. Yet David did not cease his communication with God - he lamented. He groaned. He praised: But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me. (Psalm 13:5,6) I've struggled for the last several months to feel like I was in the midst of God; I cannot bring myself to sing the words of the happy songs, and even Blessed be the name is too close to where it hurts for me to sing honestly. But I can lament. And the fact that so many of the Psalms are laments, and the Psalms are featured so prominently in the Bible tells me that laments have their own place in worship of God.
I think that our God does not as much want greeting-card type sentiments sent his way as authentic, deep expressions of our own experience walking with him.
Laments are the voice of those who miss Heaven.
When I was in Northern Ireland I was totally blessed to go to Worship Watch, a four-hour sustained time of music-led worship, at CFC Belfast. I remember a song from that time that I haven't heard since, and one of the lines went like this:
And I will not be put to shame
By rocks that will cry out Your name
I will praise you Lord
I was these words which echoed in my head last night. All Creation was made to worship God, and if we don't, the very rocks will do that job for us. (Luke 19:37-40) It is so incredibly hard to find worship within me when life is so ugly. But times like last night (see below) make me realize that whether I plan to or not, I am created to worship my Father in heaven. My pride and stubbornness will not let rocks cry out the name of the Lord ahead of me.
But that doesn't solve the problem of what to say or do when there is simply nothing left within you to say to God, let alone praise Him. My friend Lorna ran Psalm 13 past my eyes in the form of a song by Brian Doerksen.
Psalm 13 is a lament, written to God at an incredibly low point in (I'm assuming) David's life. Yet David did not cease his communication with God - he lamented. He groaned. He praised: But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me. (Psalm 13:5,6) I've struggled for the last several months to feel like I was in the midst of God; I cannot bring myself to sing the words of the happy songs, and even Blessed be the name is too close to where it hurts for me to sing honestly. But I can lament. And the fact that so many of the Psalms are laments, and the Psalms are featured so prominently in the Bible tells me that laments have their own place in worship of God.
I think that our God does not as much want greeting-card type sentiments sent his way as authentic, deep expressions of our own experience walking with him.
Laments are the voice of those who miss Heaven.
Dangerous Wonder
Last week, Mike Yaconelli died in a car accident. He was the author of my favourite book on Christian life, Dangerous Wonder. if you haven't read it, please do. It's an amazing book, and a short read. Mike Yaconelli was the leader of Youth Specialties, an American teaching ministry to youth leaders and pastors. I'm sad that he's left us here. But I'm glad that he's left us. Know what I mean?
Last week, Mike Yaconelli died in a car accident. He was the author of my favourite book on Christian life, Dangerous Wonder. if you haven't read it, please do. It's an amazing book, and a short read. Mike Yaconelli was the leader of Youth Specialties, an American teaching ministry to youth leaders and pastors. I'm sad that he's left us here. But I'm glad that he's left us. Know what I mean?
Clarity
Whatever I have is given of God - because all I feel like doing right now is joining Job in his pile of ashes. More on this later.
I feel the need to clarify this last. I was not intending to claim that God has given me this period of suffering, or even that he caused me to hurt in the first place (because suffering and pain are two different things), but to say that whatever wherewithal or energy I have to worship with comes from God. I simply feel like I have nothing to offer in worship to Him who created me at this point in time - life just plain hurts. So whatever I offer in worship to him is simply what he gave me in the first place - there is no longer any 'muscling in' to the presence of God, or making a show of worship. I simply can't do that anymore.
Case in point - last night at Jacob's Well I was not expecting to enter in to worship in a big way. I was having a bad day and just didn't feel like doing much. I have already shed so many tears that I am constantly surprised if I am able to shed more (and I always am!). Needless to say I was surprised when out of nowhere during worship I could not help but lift my hands to God and weep and offer all of my latest struggles up to Him. I have not been able to do that until now - there's something about suffering and struggle that has made my heart almost resentful - I haven't felt able to authentically take my struggles to the Cross because it so hurts to even look at them myself.
So anyway. It was an enormously impactful night for me last night. Almost enough to wipe away the previous horrible week. It's days like today that make me wonder how all of this is going to turn out.
Whatever I have is given of God - because all I feel like doing right now is joining Job in his pile of ashes. More on this later.
I feel the need to clarify this last. I was not intending to claim that God has given me this period of suffering, or even that he caused me to hurt in the first place (because suffering and pain are two different things), but to say that whatever wherewithal or energy I have to worship with comes from God. I simply feel like I have nothing to offer in worship to Him who created me at this point in time - life just plain hurts. So whatever I offer in worship to him is simply what he gave me in the first place - there is no longer any 'muscling in' to the presence of God, or making a show of worship. I simply can't do that anymore.
Case in point - last night at Jacob's Well I was not expecting to enter in to worship in a big way. I was having a bad day and just didn't feel like doing much. I have already shed so many tears that I am constantly surprised if I am able to shed more (and I always am!). Needless to say I was surprised when out of nowhere during worship I could not help but lift my hands to God and weep and offer all of my latest struggles up to Him. I have not been able to do that until now - there's something about suffering and struggle that has made my heart almost resentful - I haven't felt able to authentically take my struggles to the Cross because it so hurts to even look at them myself.
So anyway. It was an enormously impactful night for me last night. Almost enough to wipe away the previous horrible week. It's days like today that make me wonder how all of this is going to turn out.
