October 06, 2003
Community Notes...
jordoncooper writes:
I have been learning a lot about community lately. Basically why I don't like it very much. It isn't community. It is the controlling things we call community but that is for another time. I have really been looking at my own boundaries that I project fairly clearly. I don't like to be hugged. I don't handle compliments well and usually try to deflect them. I don't enjoy small groups. It is who I am. Those boundaries have been around for a long time but lately they have been challenged by some changes I am going through. First of all I had to think why I still kept them. I have always been considered aloof. I have never really thought of myself as that but if you talk to all of my friends they use the word "intimidated" a lot when they describe first meeting me.
I have been thinking about that and why I project that. Part of it is my personality type. I am an E/INTJ. That means I (and to a much lesser extent my friendGloria) are better than you. (I may or may not be kidding here). The other reason is that almost every person that was close to me left growing up. After a while you just learn that people leave. Just as I was getting over that issue, Wendy's parents cut of contact (ever get the feeling it is me, I do) and I found my barriers being reinforced.
Lately I have been noticing some cracks in my boundaries and to be honest, I haven't been that impressed.
Jordon goes on to talk about what it feels like to let down his guard and whom he allows in, and what settings, etc. You should read the whole bit under "Some Sunday Thoughts" on his Oct. 5th entry.
Pastor Ken covered community on Sunday night at Jacob's Well, and so I've been thinking about it a lot. Community is a biblical directive. A non-negotiable for Christians. In fact, though we could choose to take it or leave it, you can't make it as a Christian without some kind of authentic Biblical community. If this is so (and check out Acts 2:27--- for more insight), then what does our personality type have to do with joining community? Why should it even matter if community truly is not about us alone? I usually agree with Jordon, and to be honest I wasn't truly sure whether he came down for or against the reality of biblical community in his blog entry. But I get so irritated at people's excuses for community. "I'm not a people person." "I'm introverted, I meet God better alone." "I don't have time." "I've been hurt, so I try to have good boundaries." This last one I can understand a little better due to a recent painful conflict in my life with someone I lived with. Yeah, sometimes community can hurt. Actually, my personal experience was that the pain came from the realization of the lack of community when I thought that it wasn't lacking. Pain also comes from the breaking of community, when trust is broken.
Think about it like this. Say you're a person with a bad stutter. Talking is difficult, but the more you do it, the better you get. However, sometimes the talking leads to embarassment. Say you decide that since you've been embarassed once (or many times) talking is just not worth it. So you go through life completely mute, writing on notepads to communicate with others. You still have a kind of life, but it is limited and not at all the way life is originally intended to be experienced. You could say that talking is simply not something you're interested in, or you have a quieter personality, or you're just not into using your voice. You could even say that you don't have the time. None of those things changes the fact that talking is a necessary, life-enhancing, important part of life. And none of those things actually touches on the fact that you don't talk because you've been hurt sometime before.
Wierd analogy, but I think it fits. Bottom line: Community is not about us. It's about we. That means that it's both important for you, and important for the people around you, the people who are touched by your presence in the community.
jordoncooper writes:
I have been learning a lot about community lately. Basically why I don't like it very much. It isn't community. It is the controlling things we call community but that is for another time. I have really been looking at my own boundaries that I project fairly clearly. I don't like to be hugged. I don't handle compliments well and usually try to deflect them. I don't enjoy small groups. It is who I am. Those boundaries have been around for a long time but lately they have been challenged by some changes I am going through. First of all I had to think why I still kept them. I have always been considered aloof. I have never really thought of myself as that but if you talk to all of my friends they use the word "intimidated" a lot when they describe first meeting me.
I have been thinking about that and why I project that. Part of it is my personality type. I am an E/INTJ. That means I (and to a much lesser extent my friendGloria) are better than you. (I may or may not be kidding here). The other reason is that almost every person that was close to me left growing up.
Lately I have been noticing some cracks in my boundaries and to be honest, I haven't been that impressed.
Jordon goes on to talk about what it feels like to let down his guard and whom he allows in, and what settings, etc. You should read the whole bit under "Some Sunday Thoughts" on his Oct. 5th entry.
Pastor Ken covered community on Sunday night at Jacob's Well, and so I've been thinking about it a lot. Community is a biblical directive. A non-negotiable for Christians. In fact, though we could choose to take it or leave it, you can't make it as a Christian without some kind of authentic Biblical community. If this is so (and check out Acts 2:27--- for more insight), then what does our personality type have to do with joining community? Why should it even matter if community truly is not about us alone? I usually agree with Jordon, and to be honest I wasn't truly sure whether he came down for or against the reality of biblical community in his blog entry. But I get so irritated at people's excuses for community. "I'm not a people person." "I'm introverted, I meet God better alone." "I don't have time." "I've been hurt, so I try to have good boundaries." This last one I can understand a little better due to a recent painful conflict in my life with someone I lived with. Yeah, sometimes community can hurt. Actually, my personal experience was that the pain came from the realization of the lack of community when I thought that it wasn't lacking. Pain also comes from the breaking of community, when trust is broken.
Think about it like this. Say you're a person with a bad stutter. Talking is difficult, but the more you do it, the better you get. However, sometimes the talking leads to embarassment. Say you decide that since you've been embarassed once (or many times) talking is just not worth it. So you go through life completely mute, writing on notepads to communicate with others. You still have a kind of life, but it is limited and not at all the way life is originally intended to be experienced. You could say that talking is simply not something you're interested in, or you have a quieter personality, or you're just not into using your voice. You could even say that you don't have the time. None of those things changes the fact that talking is a necessary, life-enhancing, important part of life. And none of those things actually touches on the fact that you don't talk because you've been hurt sometime before.
Wierd analogy, but I think it fits. Bottom line: Community is not about us. It's about we. That means that it's both important for you, and important for the people around you, the people who are touched by your presence in the community.
